


"I Have Cried Twice in My Life"

by Iwritestuckyfluff



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Oh My God, really sad, the times Steve cried, this is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 02:51:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6405811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwritestuckyfluff/pseuds/Iwritestuckyfluff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm really sorry about this.</p></blockquote>





	"I Have Cried Twice in My Life"

(The first time Steve was beat up)

A bully grabbed Steve and shoved him, and he hit the ground hard with a loud sound. Steve shut his eyes, and the bully ran off, but not before kicking him in the gut.

"That'll teach you to mess with me!" The bully snarled. Steve said nothing. He lay there curled in a ball, tears rolling down his cheeks. He sobbed and sniffed. He couldn't move, it seemed he would be abandoned in that alley for hours. 

A boy, maybe just a little older that Steve came running by. He was playing a game with a few friends. He heard Steve crying; his laughter stopped and the smile melted from his face. He saw a very small boy, beat up and crying. Bucky ran up to him and helped him up. 

"Are you okay?" Bucky asked.  
Steve sniffed, and wiped the blood off his mouth.  
"Not really." Steve answered.  
"Oh. I'm James Buchanan Barnes, but my friends call me Bucky. What's your name?"  
"Steve." He said quietly.  
"Where's your place at, I can help you get there."  
Steve directed them to a small apartment building.   
"Is this it?" Bucky asked.   
Steve nodded.  
"This is right across the street from me!   
Tell you what, if you're better tomorrow, you can come play with us."  
Steve smiled. Maybe he finally has a friend.  
"Well, see you tomorrow Steve!"  
Bucky ran across the street and up the steps to his apartment building.

 

(After Bucky fell)  
First came anger. He felt angry at himself, that he didn't do more. He felt angry that he didn't jump after Bucky.... Maybe it would be less pain than this. He felt so angry that he wanted to destroy everything in his path. More anger than he ever felt in his life.

Then came sorrow. So much sorrow, he felt as if he were drowning in an ocean and he could not swim. He has an enormous chasm in his chest where his beating heart used to lie. He tried to wash away the pain with alcohol, but he has Dr. Eskrine to thank for his constant sobriety. There was nothing to do but cry, and carry the weight of what happened. It all happened so fast. He lost everything so fast. He cried himself to sleep that night... If he slept at all...

Then came the pain. More pain than he as ever felt. More pain than any punch or kick. More pain than a huge gash or a black eye. More pain than a concussion, or ten. More pain than when he was injected with twenty needles at the same time and zapped with rays. By god it was more pain than all of that combined. This pain consumed him, it never subsided no matter what he did. No matter how many HYDRA rats he exterminated, it never changed anything, for the hole in his chest can never be filled again. Because that is what Bucky was... He was part of Steve. Bucky was there when no one else was. Steve had no one else. No one else he loved that deeply, and he never will have anyone else. So he feels this pain when he is alone in his tent. Bucky used to lie across from him. There is no one to joke around with; Bucky used to love to make Steve laugh. There is no one to protect Steve anymore. That was always Bucky since the beginning. There is no one to call Steve a punk, or "Stevie", no. Those were only Bucky's nicknames to use. Steve has no brother, no friend, no lover. He lost all that. He can never get it back.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really sorry about this.


End file.
